(The consequences of political activism)

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My dad called me last night to ask why my brother won’t speak to him. He knew the answer, my brother had been clear when he cut the relationship off, but the question was still asked honestly, because what he was really asking was, “Why is this such a big deal?” The question is valid, as is the answer. Below I will go through my response and analysis of why we are here, but none of that matters if we don’t first stop and realize the significance of the moment. On that phone call I could hear the pain, intertwined with excuses and reframing of how things are, but present nevertheless.

You don’t have to agree, but if you are seeking to understand I encourage you to suspend judgement as you read and try to imagine the landscape as described.

MAGA is a religion providing identity, shared vision, brotherhood, and common enemies. Some have become devoted members, making frequent sacrifices, adopting the language, and forsaking previous beliefs when they don’t align with the high priest. Others merely pledge some level of fidelity but only attend on high holidays. 

For this second group, participation began as a lesser vote between two evils. However, after voting they found themselves somewhat intrigued and certainly unwilling to let it go instead of acknowledging the faults and working to build something better. They learned quickly that their children found their new religion offensive, but rather than questioning why, rather than letting it go, they began cracking jokes and giggling at the twisted faces their new god generated. Over time they became comfortable with it, preferring cheap chuckles and soft punches at those upset by it, “Why are you so sensitive?” This second group, and those impacted by them, is my intended audience today. 

The joke has soured, the family dinner table is less frequented, the impacts are felt.

There comes a point when we look around and see our relationships are poisoned and we have to accept that our decisions have been destructive. The only question left is will we relinquish our affinities, or have we grown so affectionate to them that no cost is too high.

This one is for you, parent with grief in your soul and memory of your public or private support of this administration. Children, perhaps it will also give words to your experience and some brief comfort to your heart—I hope it does. I’d love to hear your thoughts/prayers/criticisms via DM or in the comments either way.

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Why is this such a big deal?

When you hear of a son cutting off their parents, brothers, sisters, and/or friends because of their political beliefs, how do you judge the son? Do you assume they are irrational? Have anger issues? Too liberal? Maybe. But maybe there is more going on here.

If my son was autistic and I heard you suggesting our government was wasting money by allocating resources to ensure autistic children received education and medical assistance, I would have a problem with you. Not just with your opinion on policies, but with you. If you went further and made derogatory comments against those with autism, our relationship would be null and our only interactions would be me articulating with holy clarity your need for repentance.

What you call “not a big deal” includes your support, be it bold or tacit, for a movement and a man who consistently attack the rights and the infrastructure, the culture and the bodies, of people we love. We have friends who are DACA recipients. We have friends who are undocumented immigrants. These aren’t just random groups to us—they are our friends, our neighbors, our family. When MAGA denigrates immigrants by suggesting they are all murderers, drug dealers, rapists, etc., they attack us too. You wonder why we are so sensitive? Because you don’t see those we love as valuable—you laugh along with the party and each chuckle is a stone thrown. We may not hide in a closet and cry, but we sure aren’t going to choose to spend time around it.

This next part may be tough to read, so if you’ve gotten what you came for feel free to bow out.

If you are a parent who is currently grieved by the reality that you do not have the relationship with your children that you desire, if you view the cause being your child’s desire for distance, and if you suspect their reasoning for this may be due to their disagreement with your political stance, you need to determine a few things.

First, do you believe in the message, the logic, and the spirit of MAGA so much that you are willing to push your kids away? Is this merely a fun trinket you’ve left on the mantel because you like the chuckle you get from the way people look at it, or do you truly endorse, support, and believe in the efforts of this administration? If it is the first, be willing to accept this reality and toss the trinket in the trash, it is not worth it. Accept that you allowed a joke to drive a wedge, seek forgiveness, and leave it behind. Maybe take a season to stay off social media and away from the news. If it is the second, care enough to evaluate whether your belief in MAGA is worth the cost of the relationship. Don’t accidently stumble into division and isolation. If you choose to go there, do so boldly and accept the consequences of your fidelity. As a Christian, I believe the only thing worthy of such a decision is a conviction brought about by the Holy Spirit and for which you feel your sacrifice is a holy one to the LORD. If this is you, I grieve for you, but at least you have arrived here intentionally and honestly.

Second, do you realize the problem your loved ones are having is not due to the policies you are supporting, but to the values inherent behind them?

When you say, “they’re illegals, it’s only right for them to be sent back,” we grieve because you reveal that you do not value the families, individuals, or contributions of our immigrant neighbors. And no, we’re not talking about those with violent criminal histories, that lie has been exposed and debunked. We’re talking about high-school students, dads on their way to work, mothers nursing their babies, neighbors, wives, and veterans. We grieve because we value those you want to rip up and cast out.

When you say, “we’re just getting rid of corruption,” we grieve because you reveal that you value the cheap rhetoric of a convicted conman at the expense of life saving medical research, international aid programs, and food for the hungry children in our neighborhood. Sure, there is fraud – but the very way this has unfolded and the words used along the way, articulate time and again that those harmed are merely “collateral damage.” We grieve because we value those from whom you want to pull bread away.

When you say, “we’re just supporting Israel’s right to defend themselves,” we grieve because you reveal that you value the land expansion of Israel more than the homes, lives, history, and rights of the Palestinians and Lebanese and Iranians. We grieve because we value the little souls and the big souls now departed, and those who will go in the next days and weeks as we continue supporting this.

We grieve. And we can only grieve so much before we have to accept that those we love are harming and attacking and mocking the others we love. You wonder why we create distance? We distance ourselves not just because of your policies, but because of what you are doing to valuable, precious, powerless neighbors who we find so important and worthy of our love and protection.

You may think you are just stacking stones but hear me when I say, those doing the stoning are only capable of doing so as long as your voice and claps of approval ring out behind them.

What are you going to do?

I don’t think anyone can change overnight. I can only hope that this message gets you thinking and perhaps cracks the door to the echo chambers, the news personalities, and the Facebook feeds that have created our current situation. You have purchased the promise of a future free of corruption, flowing with wealth, and secure from all danger. You’ve gotten the burying of Epstein’s files, thousands of stock trades made with insider information, no-bid contracts to cover statues in gold, UFC rings, arches, etc. etc. etc. This is the sea of corruption, you are the only one who will decide. Will you keep sailing, or will you make port, wash off the stench, and chart a new course.

Healing and restoration won’t happen overnight. Tucker Carlson is actually a great example of this. Waking up, he realized the damage done and his contribution to it, and he dedicated his resources to attempts of correction and restitution. The relationships can’t rebuild without ex-MAGA first accepting what you have called valuable, accepting what you have sacrificed at the altar of MAGA, and acknowledging your role in the destruction of our country. An honest conversation where you admit your old values, repent of them, and commit to making restitution is the only path forward. Without this, don’t expect real relationships, real conversations, or real attempts at reconciliation.

For the anti-maga

Pray for your family. Pursue humility – this entire perspective presses right up against pride, and pride will kill relationships that God intends us to heal. Fight against it moment by moment. Be ready to forgive, to seek forgiveness, and to walk the difficult path of reconciliation as soon as there is tangible evidence of an honest desire for change.

Build community where you can. Seek first the Kingdom of God.